Lexical Gap No. 60: Quanked
February 2025 summary
It was on one of my morning walks with my dogs that I first scented spring in the air.
It had just snowed the night before — a pitiful little storm that dropped a little less than an inch in my part of North Carolina (when some forecasters had been predicting up to a foot) — and the air was bitingly cold. Arctic, even, yet despite that, I could smell the moist greenness beneath the ice just waiting to burst forth.
Spring is my favorite season.
I am, of course, allergic to pollen, so spring is also my most miserable time of year, but there’s something about the world slowly waking up to warmth again that always lifts my mood. My seasonal depression has been pretty well managed in the past couple of years with a combination of medication and enforced morning sunshine during my walks with Castor and Pollux, but I rejoice and welcome the change of season every year nonetheless.
Most of February was spent with the first draft of GUARDIANS 4. I’m slowly but surely getting the hang of how to balance my mental and physical wellbeing with work (enforced rest, good sleep, and regular exercise), and even introduced my books to the teenagers at taekwondo.1 I’m in the middle of preparing to test for my second degree black belt, so I try to go at least three to four times a week to the dojang, but truthfully, I go to enjoy the company of the teens there.2 There’s something delightful about this age; equal parts awkward and earnest, simultaneously innocent and wise all at once. It’s always a joy talking with young readers; it reminds me of how much a story transported me when I was their age. And it reminds me why, whether or not it remains popular or commercial, YA is the category I love best.
In this issue
1. JJ’s magical world
2. Lexical gap
3. This creative life
4. What I’m reading
5. What I’m watching
6. Other things of note
lexical gap: quanked 🧩
A reminder to myself (and the rest of you): do not keep doomscrolling lest you become quanked.
this creative life ✨
It both amazes and frustrates me that I am six books deep in this entire publishing business, and I have yet to figure out a process for writing books that doesn’t make me want to tear out my hair. I am slowly but surely decoupling the idea of “productivity” from my intrinsic worth as a person and an artist, but it’s hard. Sure there may be days when I hyperfocus for eight hours straight, but then there are just as many days when I can’t do anything but be a potato. I’m working with my therapist on acknowledging and accepting my ADHD brain and on finding ways to gently manage my feast-or-famine style of creativity (without wrecking my mental, physical, and emotional health), but I’m also starting to reframe what “writing” looks like.
As many of you may know, I was in a visual arts conservatory in high school, and I had a process for my projects then. First came the doodles: stray thoughts coalescing together into an image or an idea. Then, once the idea had crystallized into a vision, I would create thumbnails (or cartoons): miniature versions of the final project quickly sketched out wherein I would try different compositions. Once I had the shape of my project, I would start sketching on the canvas. And when I was satisfied with that, I would start painting.
I realize now that my writing process functions in a similar way. First come the doodles in my journal: stray scenes or conversations or images coalescing together into a story. Then comes the thumbnails, wherein I write a sloppy brief of the entire narrative by hand. Once I have the shape of the story, I would start transferring that to the canvas (computer) into the long, shitty synopsis (that I really need to start calling the Zero Draft), and finally, once everything is in place, I would start fleshing everything out.
I used to believe that every day I didn’t add to a word count in my manuscript was a wasted day. For so long, I lived under the tyranny of my word count tracker, believing that writing only constituted me sitting at my desk and typing. But as I work my way through GUARDIANS 4, I realize that’s not true. The days I journal, the days I scribble out multiple pages by hand also count as writing. The sentences and phrases may not be final, but the substance — the content — of the story is being worked through. I’m still writing, even if my fingers aren’t flying over the keyboard. Work is still being done, even if my word count tracker isn’t climbing.
It’s still hard to let go of the idea of efficiency. I wish I could somehow combine these steps and get started on my first drafts sooner. But doodling and ruminating by hand in my journal is still writing, and I’m trying to honor that.
what i’m reading 📖
The You You Are by Dr. Ricken Lazlo Hale, Ph.D. This is a tie-in work for the show Severance. I’m not usually someone who consumes every bit of related work for a fandom (excepting BTS), but everything related to Severance is so smart and intriguing I can’t help it. The first eight chapters of The You You Are are no exception. The writing is exquisite…ly dumb, but dumb in that incredibly layered way that reveals so much about the character of the person writing it. This is a work of tonal brilliance. I am in genuine awe.
The Wildest Things by Andrea Hannah. I am slowly but surely adding fiction back to my non-fiction diet of the past several months. The Wildest Things is a YA sapphic retelling of Snow White, with an intriguing fantasy world that is equal parts horrifying and compelling.
what i’m watching 📺
Conclave. 10/10 chef’s kiss absolutely no notes. This film is the perfect example of mindless — but not moronic — entertainment. A political drama that perfectly walks the line between camp and prestige, it is flawlessly written, directed, acted, and executed. I was absolutely riveted the entire time I watched this without being emotionally invested. Is it profound? No. Is it deep? Also no. This is the Real Housewives of Vatican City, but make it good. God, they need to make more movies like this. I would watch them all!
Hundreds of Beavers. HEAR ME OUT. This is an indie film that is equal parts Chaplinesque black-and-white silent comedy and Looney Tunes wackiness. It’s about a 19th century applejack who becomes a fur trapper who battles hundreds of beavers.3 That’s it. AND I LOVED IT. I want more art like this, art that takes huge swings even if it occasionally misses.
Hope on the Stage. The second member of BTS to have been discharged from mandatory military service is going on tour, but the thing I love best about BTS is that they also offer livestreams of some of their concerts. Waking up at 5AM to catch a 7PM performance in Korea is dedication, yes, but it’s always worth it.
other things of note 💾
Saint, Jack. “Squid Game in 2025.” Jack Saint, YouTube Feb 2025.
Lemon, Sarah Nicole. “Private Fantasies and Public Selves: Sex, Smut & Erotica.” Actually It’s Lemon, Substack Feb 2025.
Beth, Leah. “Is the way we talk about reading online problematic?” Notes Under the Fig Tree, Substack Jan 2025.
Artan, Ayan. “In defense of pretension.” Rent Free with Ayan, Substack Jan 2025.
Bernstein, Matt. “How Conservatives Infiltrated Pop Culture.” A Bit Fruity, YouTube Feb 2025.
Funky Frog Bait. “Let’s Talk about BOOKTOK.” FunkyFrogBait, YouTube Feb 2025.
Le, Mina. “why is social media not fun anymore?” Mina Le, YouTube Feb 2025
사랑해,
If you ever want to feel like a celebrity, let some teenagers you do taekwondo with know you’re also a New York Times bestselling author.
I’m definitely the oldest person in the “adult” class, but also proof that old people can still do cool shit!
People in beaver costumes.