For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel…creative.
I’ve been talking about this with my therapist, because while I’m now reaching some semblance of executive function because of meds, this…opening, this crack in my malaise feels both familiar and new at once. It is that incredibly cliche line of letting out the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. It’s the feeling of oxygen entering and energizing stale muscles after a good morning stretch. It’s sunshine cutting through a dark room, airing out the mold.
“Is it mania?”
It’s a good question for my therapist to ask, especially for someone like me. But no, having experienced a minor bout of mania back in March, this does not feel like mania. This feels like…a rebalancing. A return, not an overcorrection. I’m in the midst of writing Guardians 2 and for the first time since I drafted Wintersong in 2014, I’m having…fun. It’s been almost a decade since I last had this sort of pure, unfettered fun while writing a book. That’s just wild to me.
But it’s more than just writing. That generative drive, that desire to make shit which has always extended to so many other parts of my life, has returned. Photography, music, art…I just want to sit in the joy of creating something.
And let’s be clear, this isn’t exactly a productive urge. I’m not creating for work; I’m creating for nothing. It’s been a very long time since I’ve wanted to indulge in the sheer, unalloyed pleasure of art for art’s sake, art that doesn’t have to be witnessed by others.
It’s nice.
I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
pupdates 🦭🐶🐶
The boys are now in doggie daycare once a week so I can get some writing done, and not a moment too soon, as I think Castor is entering his fucky teenage months (ahead of his brother, who seems to be a bit of a late bloomer) because he’s being a DICK. Where did my previously well-behaved, chill dog go? Ugh. He’s still my sweet boi, but now he’s testing his boundaries and I’m about to tear out my hair in frustration. And apparently we’re going to be here until their second birthday or so. LOVE THAT FOR ME.
In addition to figuring out how to open doors with round knobs (Pollux), Castor can open closed crate doors from the outside so he can steal his brother’s things.
Do not get smart dogs. They will run you ragged.
They’re still sweet though. 🥹
the morning realms dispatch 🌞
The winners for the Guardians of Dawn: Zhara giveaway have been contacted and bound manuscripts have begun to show up on doorsteps. I am not going to lie; I’m a bit nervous. Firstly, it’s been 84 years since I’ve published my last book. Secondly, it’s nothing like Wintersong. Thirdly, only five people have actually read this story in the past five years so…yeah. Nervous.
I’m seeing some cover concepts for the first book and to be honest, I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that this story I have been living with for so long will be a real book in the future. What. What.
I am trying to get a terrible, terrible first draft of Guardians 2 done by summer’s end. We’ll see how that goes because as of right now…I am so, so far behind. ㅠㅠ
for my 절친 🫰🏻
The first 8 chapters of Sumire have been released, and the last free chapter goes out this Friday. After that, the remaining 21 chapters will go behind a paywall and be available only to my 절친.
As people start to read the first Guardians of Dawn manuscript, I might create a discussion thread here to maybe answer some questions. Not entirely sure if y’all are interested, but if so, let me know!
Also, I have a birthday promotion going on all month for 20% off a subscription, so if you want more behind-the-scenes stuff, now’s a good time to join!
lexical gap: abbiocco 🧩
Abbiocco isn’t a true lexical gap; we actually have terms for this feeling of lassitude following a large meal. Bear, ever the physician, would call it post-prandial somnolence, but the rest of us just call it food coma. It’s funny; as a kid, I was never prone to food coma, but now that I’m adult, I’m routinely felled by it. It’s why I do my best writing early in the morning before I eat anything. The moment any bit of sustenance hits my stomach, all the blood leaves my brain to focus on digesting what I’ve eaten.
listening 🎧
THIS. THIS IS THE ONLY THING ON REPEAT. HOBI. JUNG HOSEOK. OH MY GOD. The entire Jack in the Box album is great, the sound and direction a teensy bit of a swerve (and a serve!) from BTS’s self-proclaimed ray of sunshine. Am I watching his Lollapalooza headline set tonight? YOU BET I AM.
reading 📖
The Inheritance Games and The Hawthorne Legacy by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. I thoroughly enjoyed these two as a bit of a palate cleanser from my usual fantasy fare and am now chomping at the bit for The Final Gambit to come out.
The Eyes of Tamburah, The City of Zirdai, and The King of Koraha by Maria V. Snyder. Honestly, I thought I had run through all of Maria V. Snyder’s backlist, but evidently I missed some. Not that I’m complaining, I love me a Maria V. Snyder binge.
watching 📺
Hotel del Luna. I think I am emerging from a media consumption rut. Maybe it’s that I’m ready to try new things, or maybe Everything Everywhere All At Once broke me out of it. Either way, I tried this drama back in 2019 and couldn’t get into it, but now I’m finding myself invested. Do I, like Jungkook of BTS, now have a crush on IU? Maybe.
Red Riding Hood. While on a retreat in the mountains last week, Rosh made me and Renée watch this dreadful movie. It was dreadful. Hilarious. But also just dreadful. Not even good old Moustache Dad from Twilight Billy Burke himself could save it. Only Gary Oldman knows what the fuck he’s doing in this film, which is to chew the scenery as loudly and as vociferously as possible.
As August approaches, I’m suddenly panicking over how little summer is left. I meant to get a lot of writing done. September feels so very back-to-school, and I just want to squeeze what little “freedom” out of this season while I have it.
Until next time.
사랑해,
JJ
"Do not get smart dogs. They will run you ragged."
Ah, that old saying: "The sooner they get smart, the sooner they'll outsmart you." ;-)