Well. It’s been…a lot. I mean, I’ve always known that the American experiment was doomed to failure, it’s just that I supposed I thought (hoped, really) I’d be at least past my second Saturn return before I witnessed the end, but…I guess it’s happening now.
It feels so weird trying to hawk my wares while the abyss slowly devours us whole, but as I am an optimistic nihilist in all things, I’ll just keep pushing on. I’m the sort to laugh and dance as the world burns around me, but maybe it’s because I’m wired for adrenaline. As they said in Everything Everywhere All At Once, nothing matters. Nothing matters, so let’s do what we want. Let’s build cities of joy from the ashes. Let’s remake the world in our image. Let’s outlive the bastards.
life pupdates 🦭🐶🐶
So…one of my pups has figured out how to open doors.
Let me tell you about my dog, Pollux.
I’ve had smart dogs before, but my boy Pollux is something different. Half the time I’m convinced he’s some sort of fey creature trapped in an Aussie shepherd/cattle dog body. A changeling pup, except it’s probably his brother who's the cuckoo in the nest.1 He is too aware, my Pollux, and in need of constant supervision lest he get into mischief.
Like opening doors. With round knobs.
The first time he got into Bear’s office, I thought it was simply a product of the fact that the door doesn’t latch properly. Our house is over 30 years old and things have settled at wonky angles over time, so I thought Pollux just managed to brute force his way in.
And then he opened my office door.
There is no brute-forcing my office door, especially for a ~25lb dog. No, Pollux has figured out the principle of how doorknobs work. He gets up on his hind legs and uses his front paws to scrabble at the handle until it turns, then uses his weight to push the door open.
Yeah.
He’s not even 5 months old.
I’m in so much trouble.
writing updates ✍🏻
If you missed it, I announced a Goodreads giveaway for the bound manuscript of Guardians of Dawn: ZHARA, as well as a social media + newsletter subscriber giveaway. The giveaway ends July 4, and I’ll be choosing the ten (10) winners from my own followers and subscribers!
It makes me laugh that the acronym for Guardians of Dawn is GOD, so my first book can be shortened to GOD:Z. I shorten it to ZHARA, personally, but your mileage may vary haha.
The first three chapters of my unpublished novel, Sumire, have been released, the fourth is coming this Friday! The first nine chapters will be free, and then the others will go behind a paywall. I’m running a birthday promotion at the moment, so sign up while you can!
for my 절친 🫰🏻
For those already subscribed but don’t know, I have a Discord set up for y’all that I am slowly but surely figuring out how to use. It’s pretty low key in there, and that’s probably where I will announce things first in the future. Members there had first dibs on giveaway copies for ZHARA, so head on over if you’d like to join.
Going forward, paid subscribers will also got access to news about ZHARA on the newsletter a day early in addition to getting behind-the-scenes content!
lexical gap: verschlimmbessern 🧩
But there’s this nagging suspicion that won’t leave me alone tonight
It’s just that everything I try to do, nothing seems to turn out right—The Decemberists, “Everything I Try to Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right”
According to Wiktionary, verschlimmbessern does have an English equivalent—disimprove—but since spellcheck doesn’t recognize that word, I’m claiming it as a lexical gap. It’s been a while since a German compound noun has made an appearance in my newsletter; it’s like greeting an old friend somehow. Verschlimmbessern is a portmanteau of the words verschlimmern (to worsen) + verbessern (to improve), and carries the meaning of to make worse in the process of trying to improve. Hilariously, there is synonym for verschlimmbessern in German: kaputtreparieren. Is breaking things in the attempt to fix it a particularly Germanic trait or something?
Well, whatever the reason, it’s an absolute mood right now.
listening 🎧
BTS’s new anthology album, Proof, came out on June 10, so you’d better believe that I’ve been listening to it non-stop ever since. I especially love “달려라 방탄 (Run BTS)" which is exactly that rock-inflected banger I’ve been wanting from them F O R E V E R. Bring back guitars to pop music PLEASE. Or just bring back rock music in general. Please, my crops are dying.
And yes, I bought a CD player just to listen to the demo tracks on the third CD, and specifically so I could replay “Tony Montana ft. Jimin” over and over again.
The news of their hiatus, while personally devastating, was not entirely unexpected or unforeseen, or at least for me. I thought you could sense how tired they were, how much they were trying, in promotions throughout the pandemic, and the lyrics of their new songs had the tinge of farewell, but when news came out that they had intended to go on hiatus (and likely enlist together) after the Map of the Soul: 7 tour…it made sense. (Lolsob, I had tickets to that. ㅠㅠ)
What I love about BTS is that they have always told their stories honestly and openly through their music, and they had come to close this first chapter. All their previous “eras” had told stories of their boyhood and youth—from school days (School trilogy) to youthful coming-of-age (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life), from facing the abyss (Wings) to the journey to loving oneself (Love Yourself), and finally, the development of the entire self through a Map of the Soul (a concept inspired by Carl Jung). To have ended the first stage of their career with a triumphant, artistic achievement like Map of the Soul: 7, to have gone out with a bang, would have been such a declaration.
And then COVID happened.
Namjoon (RM) was incredibly candid and vulnerable (but when are they not) during their Festa dinner video about having felt he lost control of the group’s direction after “Butter” because it was the one that took them to new and unexpected heights, and the pressure to keep producing that kind of music, to keep making hits, to essentially sell out, was making them miserable. And they had only put it out their English singles to pass the time until they thought they could tour again.
But the pandemic kept wearing on and on and on. The pressure to return with more music was mounting on them, but Yoongi (Suga) said writing had become incredibly difficult. They had said everything they wanted to say in Map of the Soul: 7. Artistic burnout in Black Swan. The fear of their success in Interlude: Shadow. The fact that the opportunity to be normal youths had been essentially stolen from them by fame in 시차 (My Time). And to have ended it with Outro: Ego, about going forward with just themselves…what a beautiful way to finish a whole chapter of your life. Your youth.
But that fucking pandemic.
They’ve been burned out since 2019. They had talked about disbanding because of it before—and even said so at an awards show!—and stayed together because of their love for one another, their music, and their fans. This hiatus was a long time coming. How many other groups have put out multiple albums and EPs practically every year? Adele and Beyoncé take years between albums. BTS deserve that too.
I respect that they would rather do what is artistically true to themselves rather what is commercially beneficial, even though they must have faced incredible pressure to do so. That’s real bravery. And I’m excited to see what they do next, both as a group, and as individuals. First up, Hobi’s solo album, Jack in the Box! I’M SO EXCITED.
아포방포. 💜
watching 📺
Everything Everywhere All At Once. I can’t stop thinking about this one. It might be my new favorite movie.
Umbrella Academy Season 3. Listen this is not exactly what you would call Prestige Television, but it is campy and weird and stylish in all the ways I enjoy. It is also, at its core, a story about a dysfunctional family loving each other through the (multiple) end(s) of the world and I’m a sucker for that. Also it’s funny! I’m in dire need of a laugh! Please, my crops are dying.
Obi-Wan Kenobi. It’s okay. I want to love it more than I do tbh. I adore Ewan McGregor, but the show itself seems to lack a Point, and y’all know I feel about Points. Also, it’s kind of depressing. I mean, I get it, this takes place during the time the galaxy has been overtaken by a fascist regime, but still. I miss when Star Wars used to be fun. As in, it once had sense of fun, adventure, and play. Now it’s Serious,™ and I don’t know about you, but I could use a little silliness these days.
A fuck ton of Mormon-inspired media, including Under the Banner of Heaven (meh), Murder Among the Mormons (surprisingly fascinating), and Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey (harrowing but also…this is well-trodden ground when it comes to FLDS). My dad’s side of the family is Mormon (but we are not), so I’m eternally interested whenever it pops up in culture. Murder Among the Mormons was by far the most interesting thing, but because it was less about Mormons and more about a con-man, forger, and serial killer. The title is dreadful and I almost skipped this documentary multiple times because, what are we doing. What are marketing departments doing these days, honestly.
Bo Burnham’s The Inside Outtakes. I technically watched this last month, but very late in the month so I’m going it as a June watch. It was phenomenal, I loved it, and now I need a full-length version of “Joe Biden” because…mood.
That’s all for this month! More to come on Guardians of Dawn: Zhara soon.
사랑해,
JJ
Castor looks nothing like his littermates, who are all mostly black and blue-merle and look a lot like Pollux. Castor is built like a chonk—short, sturdy, stocky, and stumpy—and seems to resemble a hound more than a herder. Even his snout shape differs from his siblings, and his mostly white coat with Dalmatian-like spots stands out from the others. Apparently litters can have multiple fathers, so their mother has some explaining to do.