Cultivate
What is the meaning of power? Oh and some intentions, affirmations, and updates for 2023.
🗣️ You can now listen to the audio version of this newsletter.
This year I pulled the Ace of Swords as my card for 2023.
I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions, mostly because as an inveterate slither-outer, I refuse to be beholden to anyone, not even myself. Yet despite this, I do yearn for rituals to mark the passage of time, especially as being ADHD means I’m perpetually unmoored from the present.
A ritual I have started keeping ever since I started studying tarot was doing a yearly spread to set the stage for the year to come. The spread is incredibly simple: a card in the middle to represent the year, and then 12 cards laid out in a circle around it, one for each month.
The interesting thing about tarot is that the longer you do it, the more personal your understanding of the cards becomes. Each card has a standardized meaning, of course, but the way one chooses to interpret and apply said meaning is deeply individual.
In some ways, I suppose that’s true of any skill, including writing, but unlike writing, tarot feels like less work. And as someone whose cardinal sin is sloth, anything that is less work is definitely for me.
I kid, I kid.
In 2022, I pulled Death for the year. It prompted me to question what I had to let go, what I had to end and finish, so I could continue to grow. The theme I had chosen for that year was embrace mess, and Death allowed me to understand that I needed to relinquish my need for perfection, a need that was getting in the way of me getting anything done.
And for the most part, I think I’ve honored my 2022 intention. I’ve certainly been messy in ways I haven’t allowed myself to be in a long time. I’ve never thought of myself as perfectionist — and I still don’t — but a lot of my need for perfection was rooted in fear, but also laziness. It may sound contradictory, but it’s easier to keep perfecting and polishing the little things instead of addressing the bigger, structural problems that need fixing. One is tedious labor; the other is work.
And I don’t like to work.
🔮 2023 intentions and affirmations in no particular order
I want balance, not a binge and burnout cycle.
I will allow myself to get bored.
I will not micromanage myself.
I will get rid of social media, except in incredibly controlled increments, after work is done.
I will start microjournaling as a replacement to social media.
I will better know myself so I can play myself. This will include using technology to help instead of hinder me, like blocking apps on my phone.
I will deconstruct myself from the cult of capitalism. No more hustling, no more hacks. I am human, not a machine. I will not be afraid of hard work.
I will allow myself grace when I fail.
Once I came to the realization that I am afraid of work, it only made sense then that my 2023 intention would be to cultivate. Cultivation is work that nurtures, that helps shape things, that allows things to grow. It is also work that produces, and I want to work to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It is always easier to enjoy something when there’s a metaphorical carrot dangling before your eyes.
So I’m trying to square how my intention and the card I pulled for 2023 align.
In my personal lexicon, the suit of swords is a narrative of power. A lot of tarot books will offer generic interpretations about the suit of swords — the element air, ideas, philosophy, beliefs, etc. — and while all of them are certainly applicable to the suit as a whole, they are insufficient to fully encompass the story being told in the pips themselves. To me, the suit of swords is a warning about the consequences of power; the symbol, after all, is a double-edged blade.
This is all well and good, but I’m not entirely sure what power means to me. Or rather, I am not sure what I believe power to be. What power is to an individual is deeply personal. For some, might is power. For others, money is power. And still others, genius is power. Whatever power is to me, I’m still trying to figure out.
And it’s okay if I don’t know. I’ve learned to embrace mess, after all. It will be the work of the year 2023 then, to figure out what power means to me, and how to cultivate it.
The Ace of Swords contains many meanings, but for me, it indicates a guiding philosophy. A truth that cuts through all obstacles like a blade, providing I understand I must wield my power with good judgement and for justice.
What is my guiding philosophy? In life, in art, in everything? I don’t know. At least, not yet. And maybe that’s why my card of the year is the Ace of Swords. Because I’m meant to find out.
🧹 some housekeeping for 2023
Now that we have entered the year GUARDIANS OF DAWN: ZHARA will be published, I have a lot of plans for my newsletter. As 2023 is the year my first book in 5 years will be published, I have a lot of stuff that I’ve been dying to share with y’all, so be prepared to see way more of me and way more often this year. See below for what sort of content you can expect, and when:
SECTIONS & SCHEDULING
Obscure Arts: In-depth explorations of creativity, capitalism, and making art in uncertain times. Monthly.
Orphans of the Same Womb: Photographs, essays, and meditations on being a member of the Korean diaspora and feeling lost in translation. Occasionally.
The Morning Realms Dispatch: Updates, extras, and behind-the-scenes info on the Guardians of Dawn series. The second Wednesday of every month.
Creative Alchemy: A podcast about the creative alchemy required to transform inspiration into art. Monthly.
Non-specific posts, updates, listicles, memes. The contents of my chaotic mind will simply be under the main newsletter section. Sporadically.
There are also sections to which you can subscribe or unsubscribe that are not live on the website itself:
Lexical Gaps: For those who only want monthly updates from me, you can uncheck all of the sections except this one
Bangtan Bang: Thoughts, feels, lyrical analyses, and surprisingly very little squee about 방탄소년단 (BTS)
In addition to the content above, my paying subscribers (절친, or kindred spirits) will also receive:
The Guardians Gazette: An extra dispatch every month, include excerpts from Guardians of Dawn: Zhara. After publication, they will also receive annotations.
The Underground: Annotations, and the infamous Unadulterated Wintersong are now available as EPUBs to be downloaded here. (The password has already been emailed, and will also show up in your welcome email if you subscribe.)
Sumire: My previously unpublished novel has finished its serialization, so this section is now retired. However, you can find links to each chapter here, or download the EPUB and read the entire novel here.
Creative Alchemy After Hours: An additional episode every month, focusing more on publishing, rather than writing and art in general.
Negative Capability: Weekly journaling prompts, emailed every Sunday.
A Discord server. I’m also trying to figure out if I can’t figure out how to use the video and voice channels there for writing sprints, or an AMA.
If any of these sound interesting to you, then I’m running a promotion for the new year.
I’ll be honest; this might be the first time in a long time I’ve been excited about the turning of time. It’s been so long since I’ve published a book, I’ve probably forgotten how stressful the publishing part actually is. Oh well. I look forward to finding out all over again!
사랑과 응원에 대해 진심으로 감사합니다.